Vice Principal UnOffice 1-Year Anniversary Episode

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Attention students, I mean listeners. The stories in this podcast are told from the host personal and parcical point of view. All names and identifiers have been omitted or altered to protect identities. Now get to class and enjoy the show. Hello folks, thanks for joining me for the one year anniversary episode of Vice Principal on Office. I have to tell you, when I look back on this past year, I am amazed at how life's twists and turns led me to adventures I never imagine taking. In three hundred and sixty five days, give or take, I launched a podcast, celebrated one year of my second retirement, came out of retirement a second time to lead ninth graders and do lunch duty again. I also helped form the forward Ed Network with an incredible group of educators. And that's just the professional side of things. If this year proved anything it's that life doesn't ask for permission, it just hands you a new assignment. And this podcast has been one of my favorite ones yet. So today let's look back at some of my favorite stories and moments from Vice Principal on Office. As you know, the stories I share on Vice Principle on Office are moments I lived through or witnessed over the course of my career. But if I'm being honest, my favorite part of this podcast has been sharing the microphone with my mom. I'm fairly certain I drove my mom and dad a little crazy when I was growing up, and judging by this podcast, not much has changed. Let me give you a few examples. Lisa An, Lisa Anne. Oh, Lisa, I'm face palming right now, Lisa Anne, I should have named you stress. Sorry, mom, but see what I mean. Okay, that's probably enough about me getting nailed at Let's move on. As you know, many of the stories on Vice Principal Unofficed are about educators, the unforgettable, the unexpected, and the ones who somehow make this job even more interesting, and some who couldn't quite follow all the school rules, despite those rules being spelled out in the employee handbook, federal and state laws, and the duh section of one's conscience. Which this might lead you to ask me, how hard can it be to follow the dues don'ts and seriously don't guidebook if your job is working with kids, especially if you're the one that's supposed to teach kids how to follow the rules of life. Well, folks, apparently it's really, really, really hard for some adults to follow the duce don't and seriously don't guidebook, though unfortunately I can't tell you exactly why it's hard. For some of these grown asked adults to follow rules and laws. But I can tell you that most K twelve public schools make their employees sign some form of acknowledgment that confirms they have read and understand the Dues Don't and Seriously Don't guidebook, which drives their work and citizenship. And if a school doesn't, well that's on them. If you want more information on why the Dues Don't and Seriously Don't guidebook exists, check out episode five three Rules People. Of course, there are plenty of educators who follow the school rules, but some of the decisions they make during the day still leave me scratching my head. A perfect example the pickles and Potatoes story. I love this one, and you can find it on episode three, Part one. Anyway, I worked with the vice principal who sort of understood that kids learn better when they're not starving, because it is true that children learn better when they're tummies are full. But apparently this vice principal never read the federal rules about school meals because according to the USDA quote, all national school breakfast and Lunch program requirements are designed to provide age appropriate meals to specific age and great groups for grades K twelve, dietary specifications for calorie, sodium and saturated fat are in place to limit the risk of chronic disease quote, which basically means, even if school food tastes like sadness, at least it's supposed to be nutritionally balanced. Sadness seems simple, right, Wrong? This bird brain vice principal decided the school needed to feed students based on whatever random food item they found at Sam's Club. So what did they buy? A gallon jar of whole dill pickles? And since they obviously could eat all those dill pickles by themselves, they came up with the genius idea to start feeding them to hungry kids at lunch. Now, I'm no dietitian, but I guess dill pickles have some nutritional value. If you count a ridiculous amount of sodium as a benefit. But wait, there's more. The vice principal knew the dill pickle meal needed a side dish, and what pairs well with the giant salty pickle potatoes? Of course, sounds delicious, right, nothing like a lunch straight out of the Great Depression. Plus, the vice principal. Actually thought the potatoes would help put some weight on kids and bulk them up for sports, because you know, that's totally. How nutrition works. And as you can probably guess, no public school has the funding to buy enough pickles and potatoes to feed an entire student body. So how does a school leader get their hands on massive amounts of free pickles and potatoes? Easy, you pull a character education program out. Of your ass. Uh. Now, there are actually research based character education programs out there, things like Character Counts or a Leader in Me. You know, programs with actual curriculum and data to prove the work. But the vice principals new pickles and potato character education program. Yeah, it had none of that, But did that stop our fearless leader. Of course not. Lack of school funding wasn't going to kill this grand vision. So the vice principal sat down and wrote letters to pickle and potato companies across the country asking them to support the school's new pickle and potato character education program. And despite the fact that there was zero research, zero data, and zero logic behind this new P and P plan, the letter actually worked and so for the rest of the school year, a plethora of glass jarred bill pickles just kept rolling in. My job was to hand them out at lunch, which I did with a puckered smile on my face. As for the potatoes, it took a little longer, but a potato company finally came through. They sent the school four hundred pounds of sacked potatoes the day summer vacation started. But wait, there's more. A few weeks into summer break, more potatoes arrived, and by more, I mean twelve thousand pounds of potatoes. Twelve thousand pounds. What in the actual hell do you do with twelve thousand pounds of potatoes? Now, if I remember anything from my eighth grade homep class, it's that potatoes don't last all that long, especially not in a school without air conditioning. So what do you do with twelve thousand pounds of potatoes? Simple, you start handing them out at summer high school events, duh. So all summer long, at every high school baseball game, softball game, or summer athletic camp, the vice principle could be seen standing in the parking lot handing out five pound bags of potatoes to families as they drove away. And let me tell you, the vice principal really believed this whole pickles and potato character education program was a huge success, you know, if you consider a program with no curriculum, no research, and no actual proof that it works a success. But by the end of the summer, reality finally set in because potatoes really do have a short shelf life. Who knew, everyone except the vice principal. So the vice principal decided to scrap the potato part of the program and go all in on just the pickle character education program. And believe it or not, there were actually pickle companies in Illinois and Pennsylvania that offered to supply dill pickles for the entire upcoming school year. Unfortunately, for this vice principle, the whole pickle program soured pretty quickly with staff and students, and their approach to school discipline was still lacking in wait, get it pickles. Or sour potatoes or carbs, carbs adweight. Sorry I couldn't resist. What's up, baby, It's Bretski and I'm here to tell you that spinquest dot com is giving out free sweets coins. All you gotta do is purchase a ten dollars coin pack and guess what They're gonna give you the coins from a thirty dollars coin pack that lets you play all your favorite games like Blackjack, Wanted Dead, or Wilde and we're talking real cash prizes. Baby. Spin Quest dot A. Spin Quest is a free to play social casino boyd. We're prohibited. Visit spinquest dot com for more details. Now, I'll admit I've done a few dumb things during my career, but who hasn't. This next story, which I still can't believe I even attempted, was shared in episode ten. So picture this. It was a warm spring. Day, years before I had my FEMA certification, and I was stuck doing one of my favorite things, lunch duty. You know that magical time of day when you stand around like an underpaid security guard while kids inhale questionable cafeteria food. Anyway, I'm standing there, just counting down the minutes until I could release a batch of chicken nut that fed younglings back into the wild halls of middle school when I suddenly smelled smoke. Now, at this point in the story, I don't know if the school cook scorched the tater toots again or if some twelve year old decided to dabble in recreational arson. Either way, something was definitely burning and I needed to find the source. Of course, like any responsible adult, I took a deep breath, probably not my brightest move, and poked my head into the school kitchen. Nothing well, nothing except a couple of very irritated lunch ladies who looked like they were one broken freezer away from a full scale meltdown. Yeah. I shrugged it off and returned to my very important job of lunch duty. But that smoke smell, it was definitely getting stronger. I became a bit concerned as the smoke smell continued to grow, so I finally said to myself, screw it, and I left my lunch duty post to track down the source of that growing smoke smell. Now, I know, abandoning lunch duty is technically a major offense in the eyes of certain principles, you know, the ones who act like they rule over their own tiny educational kingdom. Yeah. I'd already been yelled at more than once by those royal figures for strain from my sacred post. But I figured better to be scolded than let the whole school burn down, So I followed my nose to the school stage, which was attached to the cafeteria. There had been some construction happening on the stage, so I figured maybe the workers were doing something that created a smoke smell. But to my surprise, there wasn't a single construction worker in sight. But what did I find? A knocked over construction light, still on and literally burning a hole straight through an old wooden door. The hole was about two inches wide and getting bigger by the second as the glowing embers began to spread and work to ignite. Now this is the part of the story where most normal people would pull the fire alarm, but me, nope. I ran back to the cafeteria, grabbed my favorite pair of professional and dragged her back to the scene so she could witness the slow motion disaster unfolding on the school stage. Because you know, if I was going down for this, I was definitely taking a friend with me. So there we stood staring at this burning door, and we started laughing, not because it was funny, but because apparently, in a crisis, both our brains decided to short circuit, and instead of you know, saving the children and evacuating the building, we had a full on rational discussion about our options. Our brilliant conclusion, why in or up lunch if you don't have to. I mean, technically, the door wasn't fully engulfed in flames yet, we probably had a solid twenty minutes before it became a raging inferno. So, like the highly trained professionals we were, we shut off the construction light, found some tools, popped the door off its hinges, and carried it out the stage exit, and dumped the burning door in the parking lot, where we finally put out the fire. Crisis averted somehow, And after all that work saving the building, well, we just went back to the cafeteria and finished our stupid lunch duty like nothing had happened. And here's the wildest part of this story. No one even noticed, I mean not a soul. The cooks kept slinging mystery meat, and the kids kept shoveling food into their faces, completely unaware that their hot lunch almost became too hot to handle. Keep in mind, I was a whole lot younger when the great door barbecue went down. These days, I'd. Have to pull the fire alarm, mostly because I'd probably throw my back out trying to carry a flaming door plus I actually know way more about fire safety now. I mean, I do have my FEMAS certificates. My para professional friend she gifted me a little plastic firefighter helmet, the kind of five year old would wear, and you better believe I kept that thing for years. Let's shift gears. If you recall, in episode seventeen, I took you into the world of acronym overload in public schools. I titled that episode lol VP SOSASAP a spoonful of K twelve alphabet soup. Of course, I really wanted to call this episode WTF, people, Why does every school invent its own acronym language that nobody actually understands, pretend like everyone should, and then replaces it with a new set of letters before every anyone figures out what the first one stands for. Because that's exactly what happens in K twelfth school, all thanks to federal pressures and school leader's obsession was sounding official and believing acronym talk is efficient, both of which tan they are not. But seriously, deae, does anyone else think public schools create way too many acronyms and attempts of conversing faster with each other? Or is it just me? I don't think it's me, because nothing proves the power and confusion of acronyms like the stories that happen inside schools. LMB. Let me begin. There's the staff meeting, you know, the one that went down in history as the acronym avalanche. Picture it the school library, Fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, the faint smell of old paper and dry erase markers hanging in the air were crammed around a cluster of library tables pushed together to form one giant rectangle. Popcan and water bottles are scattered across the laminate surface. A few happy and granola bars are tucked behind stacks of sticky notes. Half the staffer pretending to jot down important insights while actually doodling in the margins of their agendas. Everyone's hanging on by a thread, silently praying. The meeting ends before the librarian kicks us out for disturbing the peace. And then the dear district office leader stands up, clears his throat, and let's loose a sentence that should have come with subtitles. It went something like this. PLCs will review MTSS data of FRP for AYP to ensure SEL aligns with SIP under EESSA monitored by CFAs and MAP embedded in RTI, supported by ILPS and SLAS, and documented in the LCAP. Now in plain English, that sentence translates to teachers will meet to look at student data, see if kids are learning what they should, make sure social emotional lessons fit the school plan, track progress with tests, give extra help when needed, and then report everything to the district. Simple, right, but instead of just saying that, schools address it up with enough capital letters to make it sound like a government security briefing. And if you want full descriptions of every acronym in that sentence, call me because it'll take a while. Of course, as a teacher, by the time you hear all of that, it feels less like a discussion about education and more like you've stumbled into the Da Vinci code. You're sitting there nodding politely but secretly wondering if you should have brought along Tom Hanks to help translate. Truthfully, it was like listening to someone read off their Wi Fi password, long implicated and just one digital way from locking everyone completely out. Clearly, no one around that table knew if we were tracking student progress or unlocking a secret vault. I half expected someone to dim the library lights, slide a key card through the reader, and whisper access granted, initiate PBIS controls. But I will tell you. When the district leader finished his acronym soup sentence, the room fell silent. Teachers looked around the table with glazed over expressions accompanied by part confusion, while wondering is it too late to transfer districts. Finally, one brave soul raised their hand and said, what we were all thinking, could you repeat that in English? Oh? Wait, this story gets better because the best part the district administrator actually repeated the exact same sense acronyms and all only slower and louder, like that would magically help. We just nodded politely, pretending to understand, while see clearly wondering if Rosetta Stone had a course and edy babble. And that was the moment it hit me. Acronyms don't always save time, They don't always simplify communication. More often than not, they just toss us into a steaming bowl of alphabet soup. You start out thinking you're going to sip something warm and comforting, but instead you're fishing through the broth, trying to line up random floating letters into something that makes sense, and the harder you stir, the cloudier it gets. And of course at some point you give up and just slurp acronyms wandspoonful at a time, hoping that by the end of the bowl you've swallowed enough letters to pretend you understand. And of course, just. When you think you've got it, you burn your mouth on one of the acronyms. Because nothing stings quite like realizing you're Noddy Nius and a meeting without having the slightest clue what was actually said, Because acronyms can cause a big snaffoo, which is an acronym the military used to share amongst themselves how they felt about a mission that might not be going so well. You know, the mission was a real snaffho situation normal, all fucked up. Makes sense to me. Half the staff meetings I've sat through during my thirty nine year career have been a big snaffhoo. Speaking of snaffoos, this next story comes from episode twenty three, Dear Parents, We Need to Talk. I remember working with one young man who lived with his grandparents. Now, the kids lived with grandparents along with aunts, uncles, siblings, or their moms and dads. That part wasn't unusual. What was unusual was that these grandparents believed their grandson was destined to become a future church leader, possibly more than that, maybe the next big thing. The kid even wore a chastity ring, also known as a purity ring. According to author Dylan Banks, purity rings surged in popularity during the nineteen nineties alongside the evangelical Christian movement. The idea behind the ring was that it symbolized a commitment to waiting until marriage to have sex, while also promoting thoughtful decision making, moral behavior, and choosing the right life partner who shared the same Christian beliefs and hey, if that works for you, you do you. One day, these doting grandparents came in to meet with me because they felt the school wasn't protecting their grandson. The very first words out of their mouth, you're the principal. I smiled, because in that moment I knew exactly what kind of meeting this was about to be. The grandparents truly believed they were raising the next prophit of the world. Their reasoning their grandson had survived a serious, debilitating heart condition. Because of it, he had strict medical limitations for life. No pe, no running, no strenuous activity, and no getting overly excited. As they proudly explained all of this, they made sure to mention again that their grandson wore a chastity ring, which in their minds meant he was pure, morally superior and clearly destined to lead people within their church congregation. Eventually, according to them, he would rise to a very high level of leadership within their church. After listening to what I'll politely called bullshit for about twenty minutes, I shared what I had personally witnessed their grandson doing at school and what was very likely documented on our security cameras. One their grandson had been caught jumping on cafeteria tables, causing chaos during lunch more than once. Two several girls had reported that this soon to be profit had touched them inappropriately during passing time, buts boobs, you name it, he grabbed it and three the kids swore like a sailor and was openly defiant toward any adult who tried to correct his behavior. Naturally, the grandparents didn't believe me, that is, until their grandson confessed to everything while the four of us sat in the same room together. I never completely won those grandparents over. My generally happy approach to life and my use of humor was probably a little too much for them. As for the boy, I'm fairly certain he did not become the next prophet of the world, though to be fair, I really don't know what age one officially becomes a prophet, so I suppose there's still time. Vice Principal on Office also had a few guests join the show. My friend Lynn Lang and I laughed about how colleagues come and go during our career in episode eight because it's true that when you exit a school in June, by September, you'll miss some people. My friend Tracy Holland join me for episode eighteen to talk about how schools are haunted and I still believe they are. There is no way a school can be overflowing with energy from day to day and not become haunted with the strange things that take place every single school year. And then there's my favorite guest, my co host and my mom in our two part episode before she was my mom she was a student Nana's school days. She shared what school was like eighty seven years ago. While so much has changed, the technology, the expectations, even the buildings, the heart of a school really hasn't. Kids were figuring themselves out then, just like they are now. And listening to her stories, you realize some things in education are just timeless. And with all these crazy school stories, we definitely can't ignore my any singing moments along the way. I know I'm not headlining a concert anytime soon, but if anyone out there happens to need a solid bass player, I'm available, because every now and then a story just needs its own soundtrack, and honestly, adding a little music keeps things interesting and makes me happy to. Chu chu, chuck it up, to change and please soon clean up, clean up. School should be about trust and care, clean up, clean up. I'm talking to you idiots over there. You put your candidate in, you take your candidate out, you put another one in, and you hope this one's devout. Hiring a para professional really causes me to shout. So I'm gonna go get zouth. So long, farewell, come fall. I'll miss some of you, I do. I do to you and you will not you goodbye, good bye, good bye. Well except for you, Burn, baby Burn. The school's an inferno. School love, exhausting and cruel. Come aboard, we're. Assessing you at school. Love. These tennis shoes are on lunch duty. They don't miss a sound. One of these days. My tennis shoes will turn your phone around. The wheels on the bus go round and round most of the time. Ei e I Nope. There you have it. A whirlwind tour through the first year of vice principal on office. And like I've said before, so in this ever hectic, wild and demanding world of education, I want to thank all school leaders for what they do. Their ability to spin the plates of insufficient budgets, I write parents foolish bedroll and state mandates, pap us, ask school board members, teachers who possess every type of personality known to this world, and of course crazy kids is truly astonishing. Keep up the good work and thank you. Your stories are colossal, confounding, stupendous, astounding, terrific, horrific, tremendous and senseless, fantastic and a bit spastic, well at least I think so. Happy anniversary, Vice Principle on Office, will kids, The dismissal bell is ringing, So until next time on Vice Principle on Office, Push in your chair, put your name on your paper, be kind to your classmates, put your phone away and use your indoor voice or not. Thanks for listening, and I hope you enjoyed the tales from Vice Principal on Office as much as I enjoyed them. And it is also my hope that you are not only entertained by this episode, but they walked away with the little nugget of knowledge that gave you some insight on how working in a school is not for the faint of heart. And as I've said before, life is short, so you got to do the best you can to leave the world in a better place than when you got here. And of course, for. The love of God, see the humor in life. It's a lot more fun and a little easier to get through the ick in life with a smile on your face. Catch you next time on Vice Principle on Office. Next time on Vice Principle on Office, we're talking home visits, you know, those well intentioned relationship building meat families where they are moments, So join me your host Lisa Hill on March tenth for Knock Knock, I regret this until then, keep laughing and learning. Hey students, I mean listeners, Thanks again for tuning in and if you've enjoyed today's show, please leave me a review. It really helps grow the show. And don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode. Trust me, you don't want to be late for this detention and listeners. If you've got a school story of your own that you think would fit Vice Principal on Office, I'd love to hear it. Just head to my podcast website and send me your story and who knows, your story might even get a shout out in a future episode. Thanks so much for listening and for your support. Vice Principle on Office is an independent podcast with everything you hear done by me Lisa Hill, and support it through buzz Sprout. Any information from today's show, along with any links and resources, are available in the show's notes, So if you want to do a little homework and dive deeper into anything I've mentioned, head over to my podcast website and check it out. And a big thank you to Matthew Chaiam with Pixaba for the show's marvelous theme music, and of course a huge shout out to my mother. This podcast is for the purpose of entertainment only, like the recess of your day, and not a platform for debates about public education. No, you never know you can learn something, and just a reminder that the stories shared in this podcast represent one lens which is based on my personal experiences and interpretations, and also reflect my unique perspective through humor. Names, dates, and places have been changed or omitted to protect identities and should not be considered universally applicable until next time. Keep laughing and learning. 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