The Wheels on the Bus go 'Round and 'Round...Most of the Time

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Get started today at Wheeze Tease.com. On this episode of Vice Principal Unoffist, listen in as I share transportation tales about bus drivers. From buses that won't start due to student sabotage to heat waves so intense ambulances had to be called for sick drivers. It's one episode you won't want to miss. So let's get laughing and learning. Attention students, I mean listeners. The stories in this podcast are told from the host's personal and farcical point of view. All names and identifiers have been omitted or altered to protect identities. Now get to class and enjoy the show. Whether we're ready or not, here comes 2026. And honestly, I'm kind of excited about it. I'm heading into what will be my third retirement in about five short months. That is assuming we avoid snow days. I used to like snow days. Currently, I do not. Anyway, I'm also excited that later this spring, my youngest son is getting married to the most wonderful woman. I am thrilled to finally say we all have a daughter. Don't get me wrong. I love my son. But having another female in the family, someone who understands my world, and someone to talk to, that is a win for me. And speaking of understanding my world, let's talk about talking. Because when I was a kid, I talked a lot. My report card made sure my parents were well aware of that fact. Now, as an adult, I do understand there are times when one should be quiet. Meetings, ceremonies, moments that require seriousness. I can do that. But I also have to admit, my head is never quiet. There is always some internal conversation happening, usually involving music, a movie quote, or a TV show that somehow perfectly matches whatever situation I'm in. Which brings me to a moment in my life I remember like it was yesterday, riding the school bus. When I was in seventh grade, I didn't just ride the bus home from school, I entertained on it. I lived on the edge of town, technically out of town, not rural. It was just in an area the town hadn't grown into yet, which meant my bus ride home took a while. For reasons I still don't fully understand, the school district sent all the kids from my area of town to the opposite side of town. I kinda get it now, but I'm still not convinced it actually saved any money. And if it didn't, don't worry, the school districts are still making those same questionable routing decisions today. As for my long bus ride, well, that was a lot of time to get bored. And I don't think this will surprise you, but I don't do bored well. So I became the back of the bus entertainment committee. I had kids singing, I had kids laughing, I had full participation. Anything to pass the time on that long, boring ride. Unfortunately, my performance schedule did not align with the bus driver's priorities, because while I was focused on morale, she was focused on concentrating and getting every kid home safely. After one too many back-of-the-bus variety shows, that sweet driver had finally had enough. One afternoon, as she pulled up to my stop, and before letting me off the bus, she said, Lisa, starting tomorrow, you're sitting up front, right behind me. This was not a promotion, this was a removal from the stage. No audience, no singing, no laughter, just the windshield, the road, and the bus driver. But if you put a talkative seventh grader in the front seat on a long route, silence is not an option. So after a couple days, the driver and I started talking. We talked about kids, about school, about life, about things I absolutely thought I understood at 12 years old. For the rest of the week, I was perfectly happy talking with my new friend, the bus driver. Until one afternoon. The bus driver and I got so deep into a conversation that neither of us noticed she had driven right past a kid's stop. Missed it. Completely. She slammed on the brakes, looked at me, and said rather loudly, Lisa, you made me miss the stop. Now, my 12-year-old brain was confused. I wasn't driving the bus. She'd been talking all week and stopping just fine. I wasn't trying to make her miss anything, but apparently she'd had enough. Because the next day, I could sit wherever I wanted. I guess if you distract the bus driver enough to reroute public transportation, your assigned seat bus sentence is officially over. And that's when I learned something important. Bus drivers are patient, focused, and carrying far more responsibility than most people realize. So on this episode of Vice Principal on Office, we're talking bus drivers. The challenges these road warriors survive just trying to get kids to and from school. Even when there's a seventh grader trying to turn the bus into a traveling talent show. So, are you ready? Okay, buckle up. At this point, I should probably earn some sort of frequent rider miles. And with that many miles logged, you don't just ride the bus, you get to know the drivers. Over the years, I've become friends with a lot of bus drivers. I even worked in one school district where the drivers owned their own buses. Many of them were farmers, which meant their buses weren't parked in a lot. They were parked next to the barn. Nothing says ready for student transportation, like a school bus sharing space with the livestock. I had a favorite driver in that district. He was calm, reliable, and had wonderful children of his own. Anytime I needed transportation for a field trip or a competition, he signed up without hesitation. Wherever my students were going, he was driving. Then there was the fog trip. Not light fog, not drive carefully fog. I'm talking, are we still on the road or have we entered another dimension fog? As we crept along the highway, I did my best to help him navigate. And by help, I mean I was sitting there confidently saying things like, I think this is the right turn, unless it isn't. Somehow, somehow, that man got us safely to the neighboring school. Me? I arrived so nauseated I could barely walk. To this day, driving in fog still makes my stomach flip. I have no idea how that driver stayed calm, focused, and upright. But he did. And then, after delivering us safely through what felt like a cloud apocalypse, he waited all day while my students competed. And then he drove us home. Just another normal day in the life of a school bus driver. Which is exactly why today's episode is about them. The calm and the chaos, the patience, and the people who get everyone where they need to be. Even when the weather, the roads, and the adults on the bus are not helping. Which is why I called this episode the wheels on the bus go round and round most of the time. But what I really wanted to call this episode is, hey kids, would you just sit down, be quiet, and provide the bus driver a little piece? And parents, for the love of gas, please think twice before you complain about the bus because odds are your kids started it. Now, let me be very clear before I make this next story funny, or what I think is funny, because this actually happened. And the district I work for made bus drivers drive all morning long in unair conditioned buses. Not just one route, multiple routes, because in this district, elementary, middle school, and high school all started at different times, which required many drivers to run multiple routes, back to back to back, no long breaks, no cooling off, just giant yellow metal boxes baking in the sun. Before noon, 13 bus drivers became so sick multiple ambulances had to be called. All across the city, ambulances were being dispatched to different schools to take care of drivers with heat exhaustion. Most drivers could be treated on site by EMT crews, but there was one driver who wasn't so lucky and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. Okay, let that sink in. Ambulances. On the first day of school, because people were being asked to drive ovens on wheels. And somehow, somehow, the district finally looked at the situation and asked, do you think we should let school out early? Yes, yes you should, because the afternoon was only going to be hotter. And not to mention, you probably should have done that after the third ambulance was called. So, school was dismissed early. Not a luxury, but a survival strategy. Meanwhile, the buses were full of kids dressed like it was January. First day of school outfits of hooted sweatshirts, stocking caps, flared clothing. In August, during a heat wave. Because adolescent fashion has never once consulted logic or the weather. So picture it. Fifty kids, no air conditioning, multiple routes, extreme heat, with one adult trying to safely operate a tin can vehicle and not pass out. And people wonder why bus drivers need patience, grit, and possibly superpowers. And it's funny because it's unbelievable. It's alarming because it's real. And it's exactly why school bus drivers might be the toughest people in the entire school system. Because their job doesn't start when the bus starts moving. And it doesn't end when the route is over. They deal with student behavior on the bus before school, after school, and sometimes right after the buses are parked for the night. And to understand just how much bus drivers have always had to put up with from kids, let me take you back to the days before bus cameras, when accountability was more of a suggestion. One night, a group of students decided they were bored. And instead of making a good choice, they made a creative one. They jumped a very high fence surrounding the bus compound. Not a little hopover fence, a commitment fence, the kind that says, if you're climbing this, you've already made several poor life decisions. Once inside, they didn't steal anything, they didn't damage the buses. They didn't take them for a joy ride. No. They let the air out of every single tire on the entire fleet of school buses. Hundreds of flat tires. Flat. Completely deflated. Like a bus graveyard of regret. The next morning, transportation showed up to a scene that can only be described as yellow sadness. No bus could move. Not a one. And here's the kicker. Because this was before cameras. So no one knew who did it. No footage, no evidence. Just a whole lot of buses sitting very low to the ground. So what happens when you have no buses? School gets canceled. Because while schools can function without copy paper, working Wi-Fi, or sometimes even air conditioning, they cannot function without buses. And somewhere in town, a group of kids woke up, checked the news, and realized they had accidentally discovered the most effective snow day strategy of all time. School was canceled, so no routes ran. Transportation, however, had a very long day undoing poor life choices, which is exactly why cameras on buses eventually became a thing. Well, cameras became a thing everywhere in life. Because kids are clever, too clever. And if you give them time, energy, and access to a fence, they will find a way to shut down an entire school system. Just another day in education. Now if you ever doubted that bus drivers are built differently, this one should clear that up. I worked in a district where one winter morning it was so cold that several buses struggled to start. Not all of them, but enough to make transportation nervous. Drivers did what they always do: extra warm-up time, multiple checks, and a whole lot of standing around in the cold pretending not to panic. Eventually, the buses got moving. About halfway through one route, a driver realized the heater worked, but only on full blast. No low, no medium, just full desert mode in January. So the bus turned into a rolling sauna. The kids started peeling off coats, windows fogged up instantly, and a few kids tried to crack a window, but only to realize the windows were frozen shut. And then, because irony is alive and well in education, one kid overheated and threw up. Now here's the part that still gets me. That kid didn't overheat during the August heat wave when kids rode buses in hooded sweatshirts and stocking caps while drivers were getting sick and ambulances were being called. Nope. The kid survived a heat wave dressed for winter, but overheated in January because the heater worked too well and the window wouldn't open. Right there, mid route. Most people would consider that the end of it the day. Not this driver. He pulled over, handled it calmly, kept the rest of the kids where they needed to be, finished the route. Got everyone to school. And then showed up the next morning like nothing happened. Because that's the thing about bus drivers. They don't just drive. They manage weather, mechanical quirks, frozen windows, questionable wardrobe choices, bodily fluids, and student reactions all before 8 a.m. If that's not survival, I don't know what is. If you've been listening to Vice Principal on Office for a while, you might remember the bus drivers I lovingly referred to as the Puff Posse. Episode 11, if you're curious. Anyway, they'd arrive 20 to 30 minutes early, park by the school doors, and gather just off school grounds for one last cigarette before afternoon routes. And honestly, I don't blame them. Can you imagine driving a bus full of smelly, surly adolescents at the end of a school day? Trust me, my back-of-the-bus entertainment act was mild compared to what some kids do on buses today. That nicotine break probably felt less like a habit and more like doomsday preparedness. I guess what I'm trying to say is this driving a school bus has to be one of the hardest jobs out there. Did you know that according to the National Conference of State Legislatures, while crashes do occur, yellow school buses remain one of the safest ways for children to get to and from school. Which is pretty amazing considering that the average school bus holds fifty to sixty kids. And most of the time, there's only one adult on that bus. One whose job is to keep their eyes on the road while also making sure fifty to sixty children stay seated and don't seriously injure one another before they get home. And what could possibly go wrong? Oh, so many things, my friends. So many things. Fighting, vaping, bullying, vomiting, crying, whining, and the bus stories that leave you saying, You can't make this shit up. Lisa Anne. Sorry, Mom, but even your once twelve-year-old daughter entertaining everyone in the back of the bus is part of those crazy stories. And let's not forget the angry parents, who often have very strong opinions about what happened on the bus. Despite not actually being there, I can't tell you how many conversations I've sat through listening to a parent rage about some bus incident with absolute confidence and very little information. I will say this: my life as a vice principal became significantly easier the day cameras were installed on school buses. So parents, unless you hold a commercial driver's license, passenger and school bus endorsements, and have passed a medical certification and background check, and have personally driven 50 kids home while watching the road in an overhead mirror. Maybe take a breath. Yes, bad things can happen on a bus, but bad things can happen anywhere. And most days, bus drivers are performing a minor miracle, keeping one eye on the road, one eye on the mirror, and somehow getting every child to their destination in one piece. Even the twelve-year-old entertaining in the back seat. So here's to the bus drivers the calm and the chaos, the young sung heroes of the school day. And with that, buckle up, because the wheels on the bus go round and round most of the time. Well, kids, the dismissal bell is ringing, so until next time on Vice Principal and Office, push in your chair, put your name on your paper, be kind to your classmates, put your phone away, and use your indoor voice. Or not, thanks for listening. And I hope you enjoyed the tales from Vice Principal Uffice as much as I enjoyed sharing them. And it is also my hope that you were not only entertained by this episode, but that you walked away with a little nugget of knowledge that gave you some insight on how working in a school is not for the faint of heart. And as I've said before, life is short, so you gotta do the best you can to leave the world in a better place than when you got here. And of course, for the love of God, see the humor in life. It's a lot more fun and a little easier to get through the ickin life with a smile on your face. Catch you next time on Vice Principal in Office. Next time on Vice Principal in Office, we're talking about animals. Geese attacking students, a fox in a classroom, a kid with a snake in a crown royal bag, even HR banning all animals, yes, even the fish, and more. Because if you work in a school long enough, it's not a question of if animals show up, it's which ones. So tune in January 27th for animals. Pigs, sheeps, and goats, oh my. Hey students, I mean listeners. Thanks again for tuning in. And if you've enjoyed today's show, please leave me a review. It really helps grow the show. And don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode. Trust me, you don't want to be late for this detention. And listeners, if you've got a school story of your own that you think would fit Vice Principal on Office, I'd love to hear it. Just head to my podcast website and send me your story. And who knows, your story might even get a shout-out in a future episode. Thanks so much for listening and for your support. Vice Principal on Office is an independent podcast with everything you hear done by me, Lisa Hill, and supported through Buzzprout. Any information from today's show, along with any links and resources, are available in the show's notes. So if you want to do a little homework and dive deeper into anything I've mentioned, head over to my podcast website and check it out. And a big thank you to Matthew Chiam with Pixabay for the show's marvelous themed music. And of course, a huge shout out to my mother. This podcast is for the purpose of entertainment only, like the recess of your day, and not a platform for debates about public education. Though you never know, you can learn something. And just a reminder that the stories shared in this podcast represent one lens, which is based on my personal experiences and interpretations, and also reflect my unique perspective through humor. Names, dates, and places have been changed or omitted to protect identities and should not be considered universally applicable. Until next time, keep laughing and learning.