Off the Beaten Path...Not For Long!

Welcome to From Carpool to College, a show for parents who are trying to keep their sanity while navigating the college planning landscape. Hey Chase, Oh, hey Tara, how's it going pretty decently? All right, listen, I have a question for you. I've been wanting to ask you about this topic, which is a little bit different than what we normally talk about. But I'm so intrigued because it seems to be really you know, trending or whatever you want to say, and it's about you know, like alternative paths. Oh, I love that. That's what I do during the day. That's like my day job. Okay, so you know a lot of people who've done it. I do. But it's scary, right for parents, right, because it's off the beaten path. It's not part of the life is linear model that we all try to plan for ourselves and our children. And right, and if you think back, I know, we always bring back our experiences going to college, even our parents, right, and their paths. It was very safe for the most part, and those paths usually were very traditional, you know. But as we've moved further and further away from that generation and from that kind of mentality, it seems that it's opened up a whole host of possibilities right for people, which is actually good if you think about it, because you know, everything the world is changing in so many ways. I am wondering what you're going to ask me, because this is like what is it? What did you find? What did you find? All? Right? So I have to tell you about this, as you know, we're both teachers, right and or. You have I still because the school counselor is like a teacher, but we just get to finish our coffee when it's still hot, and we get to go to the bathroom and how you want to That's true, that's true. So when we were thinking of, you know, different topics for our show, one of the things that I thought of, who actually then showed up in my social media feed is a former student from the town in which I teach. Did you teach the student? I did not teach her because our town, as you know, is split. We have township in borough and she was in the borough, right. So, but this is someone who took a non I don't want to say non traditional, but who took a different path and didn't go to college right after high school. Clutching my pearls exactly like that. That the culture, our American culture is high school right to college and parents. I also want to caution you as you're talking to your kids friends, don't ask them where they're going to college as some kind of default when you're at the graduation parties, because not everyone is going to college, and that is totally fine and becoming a trend. I always ask young adults, oh, you just you know, Oh you just graduated high school. Congratulations, So what's on the horizon for you? Great? What do you need next steps? Yeah, instead of saying, oh, where are you going to college? Right? Because that is not always the perfect pathway for every single person? Right, It's not, it's not, and you can feel like that sense of dread whenever that question does come up, right, you can see that. So we have an individual by the name of Maggie Doin. Maggie Doin? How do you spell her last name? Dyn e doin? Okay? Yeah? We Jersey accent that don't we did? Similar to voice? Right, I try. I work on a daily basis to say that in a way that. Is just how are you supposed to say? Life? I don't know It's one of my little you know, things that I think about at night. Yes, my life is exciting. But nevertheless, so we had we actually had Maggie Doin come and visit us to speak about her life after graduating Mendem West Morris Mendham High School. And she took all of her babysitting money when on a gap year wound up in Nepal. What what? Her story is absolutely amazing, absolutely amazing, And I may even have that part off a little bit. She may have gone on the gone to Nepal and then called her parents, I think is how it worked. She called her parents and asked them to send her her babysitting money that she had saved up so that she could eventually what she has done is created an entire school, an organization to give education to children in Nepal. She's unreal and she's unbelievable, and she's a movie that's out a book and then they turned it into a movie. Oh good for her, called Between the. Mountain and the Sky, which is actually going to be showing in New York City soon. But we should go see it. We should go see it. Is it in previews or something? It is small yes, small, small, small theater, limited release or something we should tell it. Yes, she was actually even named CNN Hero of the Year in twenty fifteen. That's I think about what I did as soon as I graduated high school in nineteen ninety and it was certainly not heroic. That's certainly not heroic. Right. So obviously when you think about gap years, right, it can be scary and not everyone will be a Maggie Doin, right. But I want to know more about these alternative paths. Okay, So I do see an increase in students who are electing to take gap years for different reasons. And first of all, let's operationally define what a gap year is. So, a gap year, according to in our world, in our counseling world, is when a student will hit pause on their formal education and enter into a different type of learning experience. That could be a job. It could be travel, it could be creating a school in Tibet. It could be something that is not inside of a classroom. Okay, So some parents and I have students too. I have students who said, yeah, I'm going to take a gap year and just take like classes at the community college, and then I'm going to apply to a four year college. I'm like, well, that's not really a gap year. That's starting at a communit college, which is a solid choice. And we can talk about that later because I'm seeing a huge increase in that, But back to the gap year, it's hitting pause on the formal education. Now, the formal education we could talk about later too. That that looks a lot different these days as well. But that gap year could be informally going on your own, getting a job, backpacking across wherever, or or just kind of staying home maybe and figuring stuff out. There's that too, because certainly, I know I cringe whenever I think about it. The stupid pan, stupid pandemic now mess us all up. You know, we're just now seeing all that, not just now, but we're seeing a lot of collateral damage from it. And we have students who, oh god, they really for different reasons, they're not ready for college. They're not ready academically, and particularly I know we've talked about this before in math. So I could speak to my own two sons, and you know, I love them and they're awesome, But I got to tell you, when we were home during the pandemic, I don't think they wore shirts for three weeks, and every single class they were also playing their Xbox. They didn't learn jack squat, especially in math. All they learned how to do is cheat, got not all of it. I'm sorry Joey and Alex you listening, You guys know what ridiculousness went on during those virtual days. And I'm not saying Joey and Alex did this, but certainly there was a network of black market doing homework for whoever and swapping papers and whatnot. So I guess there's some discrete learning that went on, but certainly it was not traditional. So it has caught up with the kids, and now they're seeing in higher ed the students are having a hard time biting into that college curriculum. So if you know your kids, like really know, or if you have that oh, like that little fear in the back of your head, parents like, oh my god, is my kid actually ready? Because I have never even seen my kid do homework. And this is what parents talk to me about. Like when my kids were in high school, I barely saw them do homework. I barely saw them write papers. I don't think I've read one, maybe two, maybe I've read two papers that they've written, and now they're going to engage in college work. Oh my gosh, hell no, So did I send my kids off to school? Anyway? I did, but in different ways, which another more episodes. So academic reasons, we take a gap year where maybe we're not ready. Maybe we're going to take some remedial courses. Maybe we do some courseras, maybe we get tutoring. I don't know. But also the emotional piece too. We have kids with a lot of social anxieties. We depression anxieties through the roof. So maybe we hit pause and we work on our emotional behavioral health. Great reasons. Maybe we're just not independent. Maybe we get a part time job and we learn how to show up at Shopwright ten minutes before your shift and leave five minutes later. All of those skills, all of those things could be a gap year. Or you can do a formal gap year where there are plenty of organizations profit nonprofit that will, for a small fee, hook you up with a more systemic, organized learning curriculum where your child is whisked away to say, I don't know, so a different country. Maybe you want to go to Italy to learn Italian. Maybe you want to go to Costa Rica to study the rainforest, maybe you want to go to wherever. And there's curriculum embedded in it based mostly on interest. In some cases there's college credit earned. It really is tied to the money that you put in and the accreditation of the gap year programs. But there are some solid programs for sure, so that gap year is quite a thing. Did I tell you about my son, Joey's friend who took a gap year? No? What about her? Okay? So I was like, so, yeah, you know, you know exactly what I'm talking about because I showed you her Instagram. Yes, sheds all right, Yeah, but I'm going to tell you, but I showed you her because she's beautiful. Yes, she's beautiful. I'm not gonna say her name, but hopefully she will be a guest for us and she could talk about her experience. But she brilliant girl, pre med dancer, and she has a very prolific social media Instagram and TikTok videos. Of course I've watched and liked them all because I adore her, because she's brains, beauty, talent, and she had the guts to take a gap year. She ended up as a dancer. She danced on a Royal Caribbean cruise line as part of the theatrical troop. R got paid for it and traveled the freaking world. Unbelievable, and she kept her acceptance to her four year college. So she applied to all her colleges and she got in her I don't know where else she appled. I'm not going to say where she went, but very competitive school. Right. Wait, so hold on one second to interrupt, just for a quick second. You can pause your acceptance. Yes you can defer. Okay, yes, you can defer your acceptance. So let's say you're considering this girl, right, she was considering a gap year, but she wasn't sure, so she applied to colleges. Don't forget you're applying to colleges in the summer before your senior year in high school. So it's really hard to know. When things came together for her with getting this job on the cruise line. She was getting accepted to all these different colleges, so she picked the one that she wanted to, said yes to the dress and asked for a deferment. Can I defer my admission? Because she's accepted, but she could defer her admission for a year or one year, for one year, would you please keep my financial aid? Would you hold my spot for the next graduating class, and I will attend. And they did, and she's there now and she is thriving and my god, her Instagram. Yeah, it's amazing. So in order for that those things to fall into place, I mean her parents must have been super supportive, right. Oh for sure, for sure. Yeah, yeah, So that's a piece of it. So knowing that something like this could come up is very helpful because you know, you're not bracing yourself, but just kind of in your mind as you're working through the college planning, you know, experience if this does come up, you don't have to feel shocked and disappointed or No, we're talking about kind of veering off the beaten path. That's kind of the theme of what we're talking about. But as you know, as time is marching on here, as the world is changing so quickly, they're they're never wear any short things. But I think for people our age, we know life is not linear. Life hasn't been linear, our careers have not been linear, and we are very purposeful in focusing on where our boots are on the ground with not getting too caught up in worrying about the future. You know, there's annex for that, right, But for our kids, they very much feel that there's some kind of scripted recipe card and I must you know, A equals B equal C. And they have been through that. We've trained them that with school that we talked about that too, like you don't have a lot of choices when you're in school. You're going to you know, you finished ninth grade, You're going to tenth grade, and these are the classes you're going to take. Your biggest options are, oh, you get your two electives and what levels do you want your courses to be. It's kind of linear, yeah, and you look behind you. It's like, oh, this is how I got here, and here I am now, and this is where I'll be next year. You meet with the school counselor and make your plans. So it's kind of it's not a surprise that kids think life is linear. As students, that's what they're immersed in. But now that we're entering into that realm, you're going to have a lot more options. We do need to remind ourselves parents that life is not linear, and we are the sum of our experiences, and we have to listen to our kids. We have to look at them and not impose what we think is right just because it's what our experience is. Because the world has changed and they have a lot more choices, a lot more experiences. So that's kind of a gap year. That's kind of it. In a nutshell. I think it's a big fear thing that kids won't go back to school after they take a year off, but it's becoming increasingly more common and parents having a conversation about boundaries and expectations. Did you ever consider it? Did back in nineteen ninety Yeah? Never, Yeah, a. Gap year was like a gap. First of all, the gap was like you fall into the gap where I would buy my jeans yep. Which, by the way, do you remember how high quality the genes used to be and now they're like crappy ass cotton yep that chafe. Yes, it's terrible anyway, but yo, absolutely not. Did you consider a gap year? No? But I did. Move around a little bit in terms of schools because I knew I wanted to start off in New York City, so I did do that and then realize, you do. I was in. Fashion, that's right, yes, yes, but from there I wound up coming back to New Jersey and getting my bachelors in English, and then from there went into television. So you just you just don't know. It's not linear, and then we have to remind our parents of that, right exactly exactly. So that's good because I think that when these things come up, if you have just a little bit of space in your mind for them ahead of time, not that you need to brace yourself, but you can just kind of, you know, not have that knee jerk reaction where you're going to be upset or you know, think, oh, they're never going to go to college if they take a year off, or oh exactly. And I think when we were growing up, it was more of an elitist thing, like I took a gap year and I backpacked across Europe. Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, I was working at Kmart, you know, I was. I was working at the dry cleaners, but same thing, same thing. So I think it was just not for the average family. But the gap year has become an integral piece of the average family, who's our kids are just not there yet for independent living. I mean, we also can talk about students with special needs. And when I say special needs, I don't mean like a lot of like significant I mean just like your average neuro divergent kid, which is like what one in like thirty now I think is the stat So taking a kid who is you know, who has neurodivergency, like going to college by him or herself, it's like that's a huge step. And just because you're chronologically eighteen doesn't mean anything. I'm trying not to curse here. Save that for the Patreon. Yeah, you don't have to edit anything out, Chris, because I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. This is family friendly, but it is something to consider for our kids who have neurodivergent facets to their learning or just their daily living or their social vibe. So lots to consider, so much to consider. It's true, It's true. So whenever you know, we talk about these different topics, we always try to make it something that is like a really valuable takeaway and something that's tangible or actionable, right, something that we can have you go and you know, use to your advantage. Right. So one of the things that I wanted to ask you is when you have someone sitting here listening to our show and they're saying, Oh, that's my kid, but I don't know what to do with it. I have no clue. I don't know should I tell her to go talk to her school counselor should I go and start researching things. So my question to you is, what advice do you give someone if they are interested in exploring any of these like alternative paths, What can they do? Where should they be looking, who should they be looking to, Who should they be speaking with great questions? First of all, speak to the school counselor start there, start there, and absolutely hit the internet, do the searches, and just know as you're looking through all that information. The gap year can be a formal gap year where you're looking to pay someone or enter into a program that is designed for taking your kid for a certain amount of time. So that's the one type of gap year, and then the other type of gap year is where you're kind of going rogue and you're letting your kid or your family kind of sculpt. What that's going to look like. That's usually in the form of a part time job or a full time job, or an internship or travel. Maybe you're gonna send your kid to your cousin Philhemina in Milan to learn Italian. So it really could just know as you're searching it. There's just two different kinds. And if you go with the formal kind, it is expensive. You could be looking at paying up to oh gosh, almost like a whole semester of college. So do your research, collaborate with your school counselor if you have any friends in the business, we here at Academic Mentoring LLC like we do consulting like that, you could certainly drop us an email and consult with us. One size does not fit all with the gap year, but more importantly than the what is the why? Why is a gap year important for your kid? Think about it? Is it academic? What are the grades? We know as teachers? Great inflation is crazy. So you know your kid has a three point five GPA. That sounds so impressive, right, But if but if you put all of the GPA data points on a bell curve, you would see that they're flat, flat as like a seventy five, like a flat in the middle of things. So what are your struggles when you look at your kid's grade portal and you see zeros on a regular basis and they're a junior, they're not doing their work. That's a good sign that your kid's academic fitness is not where it needs to be. So gap year, why is it for academic purposes? If it is, maybe a gap year is not the answer. Maybe community college is a better choice for you. And my nephew is doing this and it's not that he said like an academic unfit kid, it's just he's just not like it's just he's not even sure if he wants to go to college. So he's doing a part time job and he's doing part time community college. So he's gonna figure it out. And that's because he's an eighteen year old dude in New Jersey and is gonna he's thriving now, he's going to continue to thrive. But to throw him into a traditional four year college not definitely not the jam for him. But also to say hey, go go travel, see you later is also not the thing for him. So a little mix, a little mix and mix that my brother's doing for his kid. So it's like one or two classes at community college, full time job or part time job, like thirty hours a week just to balance it all, and he'll figure it out. He's going to figure out what the hell he doesn't like, that's for sure. Yeah, right, maybe that's what needs to happen sometimes. So to answer your question, certainly check things out on the internet, touch base with that school counselor get an honest assessment of academic, emotional social needs and then and then make those decisions. Yeah, and some of the nonprofit programs are more of like a work study. Right, So if there is some sort of you know, gap year or gap any kind of program that is going to take place of a traditional freshman year in college, there are some ways that students can do it even if they don't their families don't have, you know, a lot of the resources where. They can pay for it. So well, we have to hit pause on that because just because something is nonprofit doesn't mean it's free for a kid to join. Like when I ran my field hockey camp. My field hockey camp technically was it not for profit, which means we couldn't show profit in the bank account, but we paid our my co director and I got paid very well. We asked the kids for money all my counselors got paid very well. We got new equipment for the rec department. So just because it's nonprofit doesn't mean it's going to be free for you, so please definitely check. I don't think anything is going to be free. You're gonna end up paying if you're going with a formal program no matter where it is. Even missions trips with your places of worship will require fundraising to a certain extent to cover the costs. So could a missions trip be considered a gap year? Absolutely? But again money, there's always always money involved. Right, good, good, good information. Right? Do you want to gap your tara? I do. I could take one. Now, where would you do? Where would you go? I would definitely travel somewhere somewhere, somewhere exotic and certainly help people out learn the language and culture. Yeah, oh, I could do it same. I would be with Filhmina. Oh that would be so nice. She could teach me a big pasta. I could teach your English. Yeah, we'll get there one day. I think that's called retirement. Yes, the third act. There you go. Please follow us, subscribe to us, like us and love us wherever you listen to us by subscribing to our podcast. You are helping everyone involved, and don't forget to share with others. And consider supporting us on Patreon because, as you may know, Tara and I are both public school employees and these podcasts are not free to produce. But our goal is to provide access to our information to everyone without spending thousands of dollars before your kid even gets to college. So consider supporting us on Patreon at the spectator level the JV or varsity level, we will give you extra resources and all our love and support. We also want to have special thanks to our producer, Chris Rywalt. Without him, you would be hearing all sorts of terrible bloopers and outtakes. And now for some legal stuff. The content of this podcast The Past is for informational and educational entertainment purposes only and is provided as is, with no guarantee of accuracy, completeness, timeliness, or outcomes. I could keep going, but I will spare you and I will post this entire legal disclaimer on our website www. Dot Academic MENTORINGLLC dot com under podcast. Tarat and I are so glad you joined us today on from Carpool to College. See you next time, something like that, Yeah, done's good. Okay, Chris, make that pretty please, pretty please, make it pretty please.