Bracing for Impact: What to Expect While Expecting After You Hit Send

Welcome to From Carpool to College, a show for parents who are trying to get ahead or just keep their sanity while navigating the college planning landscape. Welcome to From Carpool to College. I'm Tracy Amadeo Tara Harritz. Thanks for joining us today for this episode. We're calling it Brace Yourselves. Applications are in. I saw this. I love this topic because this is where I am right now. Oh yeah, but it's good though, you know, because you go through this adrenaline rush of getting everything in on time and then you take it. You know, you sit back for a second. Do you feel hungover? You can't sit back? Well, wait, we have something else, We have something else. But but right, don't you don't think of the after because there is that waiting period, right and depending on when your child submitted their application, it could be right before the holidays, right in December, or it could be after that for sure. Oh for sure. And we want in all things, we want to educate our families, educate our listeners. What does this look like so that you can have that framework of kind of keeping the end in mind? And there's so many different I mean, getting into college and getting scholarships, and there's a whole bunch. But and we don't our podcast, we don't really focus on the how. That's not our jam. There's plenty of that out there. Oh bless your hearts for trying to navigate through all that. A lot of great stuff, but we're about the why and kind of what to expect. When we were prepping for this, jaris laughing. When we were we were prepping, we have a whiteboard that it's our little cheat sheet, so we know to cover all of our topics because we could if you couldn't tell, we were easily distracted. So as Tara was writing on the whiteboard, I said, this is kind of like what to expect while expecting. Now, my kids are twenty and twenty one. How old are your kids seventeen and twelve? Okay, so and our listeners are going to have kids. You know, how old are your kids listeners? Like between you know, middle school and high school. So the world is a little different back then, right, But back in our day, we had this great book What to Expect while Expecting, and it was like you look up, you can imagine that I know the cover by heart, right like beige, right like beage a woman standing sideway, what top box like, you're your baby is the size of a pee? You I remember, your baby's the size of a candle loope or that's when you felt great or a shrimp. Yeah, and your baby's a size of a watermelon. But anyway, what to expect in the college admissions process? In the college application process, so what to expect after your kid hits submit on the application? And again, like wherever you are in your college process, we just want you to know what the outcomes could be and what to expect while expecting. So lots of things. You're you're waiting your kid hit submit for either an early deadline or a regular deadline, and then there's this void and you're kind of bracing for impact. So we back in our day again when we read the book what to Expect while expecting, When when we applied to colleges it was not through the common app or maybe the early stages of common app. I don't know. My millennial parents are coming down the pike and we are with you. Gen X supports you, our sweet millennial parents. But for the most part, it was mailed, mailed away, and the Internet was not quite a thing. It was just it was a mystery. But now because everything is electronic, you get your kid will get emails to say we've received your application, and they'll be directions, uh to go to a portal. It sounds like a sci fi movie, but really it's a landing page for this student for your kid, which is terrifying too, because if your kids are like my kids, they're not gonna listen to you. I mean, I know there are families out there who have great kids and that your kids actually listen to every word you say and do it, or at least you're lying to me in conversation and telling me that your kid is so good, and really your kids are like mine, where they're like maybe they're bat in like five hundred, listening to me and following through what they say they're doing. But in the portal, it'll show that the application has been received, the transcripts have been received, the test scores if applicable, have been received, fee waiver has been received, everything, and it has been received and now we're just waiting. And by the way, way, that portal will contain the answer of your kid's application. Are they accepted, are they declined? Want? Want? Are they deferred or are they part of the wait list. So we're going to break it down a little bit too to explain to you, you know, what that all looks like. But in the meantime, Tara, you're waiting, I'm waiting. Yes, we're waiting, that's right. So are you' knitting a baby blanket while you're waiting? So what what is what is the equivalent to knitting that that that blanket? What have you have you done anything in the meantime? Well, you know, we're always looking at different other options in terms of other schools and things like that versus the ones that have already been sent off, because I think that that's just kind of a safety for us. That makes us feel a little bit better. You know, maybe we're looking at we I think there's one or two that are really close to home. And it's always good to just understand your options, talk. About like you're at, like maybe considering other schools to add and to throughout, like to to zap out the other application. Because it's easy, it's a click click, click right, because the hard work is done, the essays done. Yep. A lot of those the schools that the late ads are not not like a supplement is not required, right, So, and you did you did a couple of visits, Yes, a couple visits. The other thing that we're doing is just keeping a close eye on all the emails that are coming through from the high school themselves in regards to college reps who are still coming to the school to visit with students, yes. Right, and keeping an eye on Score and just Score for those of you who don't know. Score. Score is that on line web based program that high schools will subscribe to their service and it helps with college planning management, and that's how high schools will link families with the college application and college research process. Right. And I think that it's hard to just take a step back when you've been going, going, going to get everything in and do everything that you need to do. But it is also important to mention that it is a time for students to kind of take a step back and enjoy their senior year. Totally, go to homecoming, get a cool dress. That football games. Right, those things that you know are they lose a little bit of focus when they're worried so much on getting applications in. So it is important to just recognize those parts of it as well. But yeah, so as we're you know, all of the different terms are circling in our minds, accepted, provisional, rejected, deferred, all of these things. So Tracy, I need you to help me and explain these to me. They're all, yeah, they're all requiring relaxation, breathing for our parents and for our students and clients right now in high school. Well let's not right now. We try to keep this evergreen, but we'll be frank with you. It is November. It is mid November, and we're talking about this because we have so many clients and students who are in the thick of it right now, and we want parents who are not in the thick of it to understand what it looks like. So taking a step back, we're talking about the first marketing period of the high school senior year. Yeah, and that's important while you're bracing for impact, because if your kid is starting out with like awesome marking period one grades, which typically they are usually third marking period is when they peter out. So great idea And I was literally just texting one of our clients about what to do. What to expect while expecting is take a screenshot of this is what I directed her. She says, should I be doing anything? I'm like, oh, yeah, why don't you. Did you get your first marking period grades yet? She's gonna get them probably this week. Take a screenshot of your first marking period grades and embed that in an email. Email that to all the admissions counselors because you know them by now, because you've been demonstrating interests. We know their names, and just say hey, such and such wanted to stay I just wanted to say hello, I've submitted my application. I know decisions don't come out until December or January, whenever it is. I am having a great start to my senior year. Your college is still on the top of my list, and I am really having a great start to the senior year. Attached are my grades for your review. Thank you. Or maybe your kid got captain of soccer and didn't include that in their common app. Maybe you know there's a great change. That is a great tactic to stay on the radar and to kind of share the good news. So definitely something you could do while waiting. On the flip side of that, though, I do have because as you know, I'm a school counselor during the day, I help hundreds. I've helped thousands of students with their college search getting in and surviving. So on the flip side of that first marketing period might be when a student realizes that they're not cut out for pre CALC. So that's a tough one because many of my business students or my engineering bound students are in pre CALC or CALC. And if they applied with CALC on their common app or precalc and now we're suddenly we've switched to statistics for math, that's that's a big change, and that could make or break an acceptance to a direct admit business school. So these kind of correspondents emails are going back and forth at this time after the application has been sent, but before the decision comes out, because if I have a student who is looking at a business school direct admit, you need to be having CALC or pre CALC. If my student goes from CALC to stats, they may not be eligible for that direct admit. And if they set on their application that that's what they're doing, they sign their name that this is true, it's a problem. Right right, So if there is a big change, should they be. Do you recommend that the students go directly to their guidance counselor of the high school or should they reach out first to the admissions wrap. Definitely reach out to the school counselor first, school counselor. So, yeah, guidance counselor school counselor. So your school counselor. Your school counselor is in such an influential position because college admissions offices, teams need the school counselor that is their touch base, contact, first contact person for each school. So figure out how your school counselor likes their coffee. Get that Dunkin gift card. Get I'm telling I'm just being real with you, because when I get a kid coming in and they slide a Duncan Total's gift card, let me tell you not that I'm being bribed, but it's a beautiful thing. It's in a nice I'm gonna do it anyway, kids, parents, I'm gonna do it anyway. However, the amount of hours that I put in outside of my school day is a lot. I'm during your school counselor is working at least four to five hours outside of the school day every day. During admission season, we're writing letters of recommendations, we're making phone calls. We're not compensated for that at all, and we don't expect to be. So when there's something sweet like that along the way, it's really really appreciated. But your school counselor is your first point of contact. They're going to probably tell you anyway because they get it on their radar screen, like dude, you're not passing pre CALC. We got to get you out of here, so they will help with the correspondence. Because the other piece is if you are if a student is accepted with pre CALC on his or her transcript, but then PRECALC never ends up on the transcript, you're creating a fraudulent situation here, misrepresentation for you and for the school, and they can rescind your acceptance. So it's really important to be forthcoming with that. So not to like we talked about relaxation breathing, We definitely we don't want to add more fuel to the fire. But parents, for for our parents listening who have kids in tenth grade or eleventh grade, just no, just because your kid hits sent their senior year, you're not you know, you're not floating on the lazy river with a with a my tying your hand. You're you're still you're still vigilant. Okay, that's a great visual, isn't it. I want to be at a lazy river. Lazy river is the best part of any water park. It is for a parent, Oh yeah, because the kids go nuts and they go to all the you know, those wedgie making slides and all the stupid you know yea. But for the parent, lazy rivers oh god. Anyway, Okay, so so let's tease out what's going to happen. Oh you know what else. While you're waiting, terwer while you're waiting for your while while the student is waiting, don't give up on demonstrating interest. So go through the websites, the links the correspondents open every email. If there's a link in the email, go down the rabbit hole. Parents, I tell the students, Hey, listen, your parents are up in your business. Keep them busy. Parents. It's so true. We are so easily manipulated by our kids. We just want their attention, them to listen to us for once, or for at least one out of two times. So I tell students manipulate your parents. Give them your laptop, give them your chromebook, open up your school email, open up all Let them in your junk box. Let them open up all the emails, let them go through, give them purpose, give them a job. Parents, do it. Just ask hey, let me go through your junk emails. They'll roll their eyes, but listen. It's a win win situation. Everybody wins. So you know, don't forget that. The AI bots are still tracking. They're tracking interests and they're seeing where your kids are. I know it sounds creepy, but it's true. So hopefully you get you know, you're bracing for impact, and we of course want the acceptance. Right but if acceptance does you know, it's not there. But we do see talk to us about deferment. So they've been deferred, which means they right to the negative terra No, but it's we need to go there, No, we do. I know deferred, So deferred is actually not as terrible as as as declined or rejected. We're sorry. So the deferred is we can't make a decision right now, kiddo. So maybe you need to send us your marketing period one grades and maybe you need to send us your semester one grades. So we're going to put you into the regular application pool for January first. So just because you were so good and you got all your stuff done by November first, we can't make a decision yet, so we're gonna wait. Okay, and you're deferred. It's not terrible. Kids will cry in my office, they will, but they'll be instructions. So read the email. Read the email. It'll tell you exactly what to do. Okay. So that's deferred. And then weight list is different. So when are you put on a wait list? Okay? So the waitlist is interesting. I hate the wait list. I'd rather be told, like, just kill me if you're gonna kill me, Like just okay, think about those movies right where they play games, just don't play games. Just just make a decision. But the reality is the waitlist is also a it's kind of a mystery, like why was I waitlisted? Was it my grades? Was it my demonstrated interest? Was it something beyond my control? You'll never know. You'll never know. And in some cases, Tarr, the weight list is ranked. In some cases it's not. It's a big mystery. Can you figure it out through? Yeah? I mean kind of. You could do some recognizance. Some schools will be transparent about it, but your school counselor can make a phone call and check that out. But the wait list, so you've been weightlisted, read the email because they'll explicit instructions on what to do and what not to do. If it says do not contact us, don't contact them. But you could let your school counselor do it, okay, it might be more opportunity to demonstrate interest. I've seen students do this. I had a student who was waitlisted for Michigan for you Mish, and she wrote a poem for them. It was so good. I know, that's great. She just puckered up and wrote a poem. And I don't know if it was the poem or other variables, but she ended up getting in and loved it. And she you know, she still bleeds blue and gold or I guess it's there. They're blue? Are they blue and gold? So you know? But but really, the the email that you that your kid will receive or that's posted in the portal, will tell you explicitly what to do and what they want. So follow directions, okay, And that's usually later in that it's usually later. Yeah, we had a we had a client, a Lap two cycles ago who was waitlisted for University Wisconsin, and he held out and held out and held out, and he even it was after May first to May First's decision day where you have to leave, you know, you make your big decision and leave your deposits usually two hundred two fifty five hundred, it depends on the school. He already deposited somewhere else to hold the spot. But then Wisco University was consonan at Madison, Wisco. It's called it sounds like it's a cleaning fluid, right, like, where's the Wisco? Right? I just built the coffee espresso Espresso. Tarr and I are jockeying so bad to get sponsorship from Espresso. It's pathetic. So we apologize now, but we don't really have any sponsorships. But we don't. That's not our jam, but coffee is. Yeah, coffee's our jam and makeup and skincare products. But when he heard that he was off the Wisco list, he of course went there and he loves it. He's thriving. But he did lose his deposit for the other school. But it's a tough it's it's you pick your poison right. And by the way, the deposit is due May first. But if your kid is looking at on campus housing for freshmen, then you better be depositing like way in advance of May first. May first is when everyone will wear their sweatshirt to school. But if you if you know and you're locked in, get it in, get it in to guarantee your housing, because there's a lot of other variables there. But this is why we have this podcast. So you know about this, you've heard of it, or at least something in your head. You remember that, Oh, Tarat and Tracey talked about that, and come back to us because these are all things that we know that you don't have a time machine, and we don't ever want you to have to say, oh my gosh, I wish I knew then what I know now. That's kind of our theme, our theme. So except declined, deferred, wait listed, can you overturn declined? Yeah? You can. You can try to You can try to appeal it. I have a client right now in private practice who's transferring and he is trying to appeal his declination. Declination Is that right? Did I say that word right, that sounds great. Yeah, not good, but I mean no, it's a terrible, miserable, anxiety riddled situation. But he prepared a beautiful testimony on where he was and where he is now and what he would like to do and how he'd like to do it. And he is appealing. Of course, that's you know, he's a client. I'm not going to talk too much about it, but I'm helping him kind of stay focused, help him and his family understand the process. And he's going to go for it. I mean I push him well, and you know what, do we have control? Right, how how we comport ourselves and kind of maximizing our opportunities, right, So it's got to go for it. So maybe you will appeal or ask for an appeal to your your admission status. It's it's a thing that's interesting. That's interesting. I didn't know that you could do that. I know. We're also such good we're such girl scouts, Tara, Like we're public school educators, so typically we're a certain type, right, We're not going to buck the system. We're not where. We were not smoking the girls room when we were in high school. We were we were good, gooddies. Not total goodie goodies, but on the spectrum of goodie right. And if someone says no, oh okay, but yeah, there are wonderful contrarians out there who will not take no for an answer. So parents, just no, you may not have to take no for an answer. Maybe there's a workaround. Right. So some of the just to before we wrap up today's session, some of the things that we always try to not solve the problems necessarily, but just have parents stay aware of what your child is probably going through at this point. Right, So the applications are in, and just be aware that some of them will, you know, take a step back, but others might get a little obsessive over it and try to check. Check check, check, check and compare and see who else is getting acceptances early, and lots of things are going on and lots of comparing. Right, So and lies, Right, I had a client. I have a student who is lying to his classmates about getting into a school that's out of state. Right, and I know with one hundred percent certainty that this school has not made any admissions decisions yet, and he is telling his classmates that he got in, right. He even told me he got in and I'm like, wow, you are pathological, dude. Yeah, so parents, please know. And if your kid is stuck in the car with you while you're listening to this podcast, turn this up and rewind this a little bit. Kids, please know your classmates lie. They lie about their ESSAYT scores, they lie about what schools they get into. So it's so dangerous to compare ourselves to others. I'm telling you as a school counselor of a long time. Kids lie, just like I lie about my weight and my blood pressure. Kids are gonna lie about whether they get in or not. Really, it's true. And guess what I see Why it happens. Yeah, because there's so much pressure. There is there is, And kids, if you're still listening, you have to promise us two other quick things here. Don't fall down the trap of the what ifs, right, what if this happens? What if that happens? Or should have I should have done this? I should have with the essay or the ESSAYT scores or whatever. So those are things that you don't want to spiral into. You know, the applications are submitted and wait for the next step in terms of you know what you hear back, and. I know it's it's just maintaining our sanity and the balance and remembering, you know, where you go. There's a lot of great books out there. One of them is where you go. It's not who you'll be. This is a process. Tarat and I talked earlier off Mike about rejection and how we as human beings of especially younger adults too, we don't have as much experience with rejection, so kind of understanding that rejection is part of the human condition. And your school, your college standing is going to be no different. You will be declined on many things and school is going to be one of them. So it's it's just it's a lot. It's a lot. It is a lot. But it's good to know at this point in the process because they I think that there's a lot floating out there about the college application process before you hit submit, But now it's nice to see, like, okay, now after this is where we. Are right We're bracing for impact. We're wondering what's going to happen, what what is in our control, what's out of our control. Maybe you took a late ssat, Maybe you did great, maybe you didn't. Maybe you want to send it. Reach out to the admissions counselor and say, hey, you know I'm not reporting my SAT, but I just want to show you this awesomeness right now, you know, or your act like, you know, look I almost you know. I got this score. The national average is this. I got this. Your accepted average is this. Look at me. Those are things that are in your control after you submit send on your application. Sounds good? All right, let's wrap it up. We need more coffee. We need more coffee, We need throat lozengers. What else do we need? Skincare products? Float down the lace, down the lace. Oh, we'll get their parents. Until then, you have us here at carpolt To College. Thanks for joining us today. I am Tracy Amadeo. And Tara Harritz and we'll see you next time. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. If you enjoyed what you heard, we'd love for you to be a part of our growing community. Please share and follow our show. For those who want to support us further, join our Patreon site here. Support helps us create high quality content and great episodes. Plus, our Patreon members get exclusive perks like bonus episodes, early access, and behind the scenes content that we think you're just going to love. And now for some legal stuff. The content of this podcast is for informational and educational entertainment purposes only, and it's provided as is, with no guarantee of accuracy, completeness, timeliness, or outcomes. I could keep going, but I will spare you, and I will post this entire legal disclaimer on our website www. Dot Academic MENTORINGLLC dot com under podcast Tara and I are so glad you joined us today on from carpool to College. See you next time. Something like that. Yeah, done's good. Okay, Chris, make that pretty please? Pretty please make it pretty please? If you had a lazy river, lazyriver is the best part of any water park.